Don't Let Me Fall Page 2

  And then he leaned into me and kissed me. Like, full on kissed me. I tried to pull back but he slid a hand to the back of my neck and pulled me in even closer. I gasped and he slid his tongue right in. Whoa! No, fucker, that is not what I want! No fucking way! I’m not into this!

  I finally pushed him off me, shoved him back, and noticed the girl he came in with walking away. The smirk on this asswipe’s face says it all.

  Asshole used me.

  “Um, excuse me...what the hell was that?” Aimee asked looking at the two of us. “You two know each other?” Fuck no!

  “I have no idea who he is,” I said grabbing my purse and shoving Logan back even more. “But since he’s here, I’m going to go. I have to be somewhere.” And stop myself from killing this douchebag!

  “Hey, don’t go,” Logan said grabbing my arm. Please. I don’t want to be around some dickwad who kisses random people in public. “That girl wouldn’t leave me alone. I needed an out. And I can’t just kiss my sister.”

  “Um, first, you can’t kiss me either. What the fuck is wrong with you? And second, do that again and you’ll be picking your balls off the floor,” I snapped. “Thanks for letting me come,” I said to Aimee. “It was nice.” Until I got man-handled.

  “See you tomorrow?” she asked with hopeful eyes.

  “Sure.” We have classes together. It’s bound to happen.

  I gave Logan the evil look as I pushed him out of my way again. He doesn’t really move much so I have to keep shoving him until he finally staggers back and I make a break for it.

  “You know her?” I heard him ask Aimee over my shoulder.

  I kept walking until I got out of the building and walked my way to the train station. Kelsey will want to know how my first day went. She’ll want details and she’ll have a blast with this shit.

  “Hey, wait up,” I heard Logan call out behind me. Oh, god! He jogged up to me and blocked my path. He really needs to stop being up my ass. It’s annoying…and creepy. “I’m sorry for kissing you.” I don’t believe that. “Actually, no I’m not. I’m just trying to get you to think I’m a good guy. I don’t usually do that…kissing random girls.”

  I don’t care what he is…

  “Really, because you seemed to know what you were doing.” He gave me a cocky smile and I know it’s because he thinks I’m saying he’s a good kisser. Which he is. But he doesn’t need to know that. “Kissing random girls,” I clarified. “You just walked up to me. I think you’ve done it before.” He’s an asshole. Okay. Girls should be aware of that.

  He dropped his eyes, staring at the sidewalk then slowly brought them back up, making my heart stop for a few seconds because the look in them is intense. And hot. Turn and walk. Now.

  “You can ask my sister,” he said, softly. “I don’t do that.”

  “I have to go,” I said trying to step past him.

  The wind picked up and blew my hair back.

  The way Logan’s eyes landed on the left side of my neck made my skin burn up. He stared at my tattoo for a few more seconds until he met my eyes. Shit.

  “Birds?” he asked. “I have to hear this story.”

  “No, you don’t.” What the fuck? He doesn’t need to know anything. My family knows me. That’s all that matters.

  When I was eighteen, the only way I rebelled was by getting tattoos. Lots of them. There are too many to count so I don’t. They all have some meaning to me but the first one I ever got was of small black birds flying up my neck. I thought it was amazing and Kelsey did too. Matt and Jacky called me an idiot and Mom and Dad didn’t comment. The way Kelsey looked up at me was priceless. I felt like her idol.

  I stepped past Logan and made my way to the train station again. He didn’t follow me and I was glad. I need to breathe without his scent filling my lungs.

  On the train, I texted Matthew asking him how school was and he just replied with ‘boring.’ I tried to text Jacky but she didn’t respond so I guess her boyfriend, Remy, is more important at the moment. They’ve been dating for six years; I shouldn’t be surprised that she’s ignoring me. Her man is her life.

  Mom and Dad were at the hospital when I got there. It’s weird seeing them together for Kelsey. Mom does anything for her so staying with her ex-husband for a few hours is tolerable.

  I don’t know how long they’ve been here but when I got there, they stayed for a bit then headed home. They told me that Kelsey can come home soon. She’s not done doing tests but Kelsey misses her room and I can’t blame her. Her room is her safe haven. Her room is her escape.

  “Hey,” I said bringing a chair over to Kelsey’s bed. “How was your day?” This is the normal routine. We sit, talk, eat and then she goes to sleep and I wait a bit before I head home.

  “Eh,” Kelsey said shrugging. “The only highlight of my day was the cute kid who came in thinking it was his room.”

  “Details!” I said excited for a new story. She’s usually bored in here so hearing about something other than the nurses’ personal lives is interesting.

  “He’s fifteen,” she said. “He stayed until Dad came…” I listened to how Micha stumbled in here thinking it was his room then how he stayed and talked to Kelsey. He’s tall with green eyes and dark blondish hair. Like Remy.

  The way Kelsey described him was how a girl in love describes the love of her life. This is what kills me. Kelsey is young and she’s sick. She didn’t even have her real official boyfriend yet. Instead, she’s stuck in a bed getting needles stuck into her arms and blood drawn. No kid should go through things like this. Kids should grow up running around the house and screaming at the top of their lungs. They should be having fun.

  They should be living. She always wanted to just live and have a normal life. Go to school and have friends. Be here.

  It was late when Kelsey fell asleep. I ate chips while she ate her meal and then we watched TV. Matthew will come by this weekend and Jacky, tomorrow. It’s our routine. Kelsey told me I’m still the only one to lighten her mood. I feel fucking special. Who wouldn’t?

  I made sure Kelsey was tucked in extra tight and then I headed out. The nurse at the front desk told me to have a good night then I headed back onto the train.

  I have a license but I don’t have a car. Nice, right?

  I took the bus home and walked up the steps to my home sweet home. I opened the door and expected to be attacked by Matthew but instead I found him on the couch with his friend, Finn.

  “Hey, beautiful,” Finn said winking at me.

  “Dude, stop. That’s just weird,” Matt said. Finn never listens to him. I’m constantly getting hit on by that kid. I shot him the finger and headed upstairs. I’m not in the mood for his stupid flirting. And it’s worse that he never stops. Whenever me or Jacky are around him, he brings out the cocky guy.

  I knocked on Dad’s door and when he didn’t answer, I gave up and headed to my old room. I haven’t been here in so long since I moved back to Revere a few months ago. It’s weird because my room is still in the same state I left it when I moved to college in Seattle. University of Washington was fun and I loved it. I met some great people. Then I had to leave them behind as I moved back to Massachusetts. I didn’t want to. I just couldn’t be there anymore. Not after what happened.

  There are no posters on the walls because I wasn’t that kind of girl. Instead, I just listened to music and stayed up late on my laptop, writing short stories that no author would dare think to publish. I didn’t write anything good but the point is that I wrote.

  My bedding changed from some pink floral shit I had to a baby blue one with white polka dots. Dad didn’t know what to get me but I don’t mind. Times like this is when you need your mom but she’s busying with the new boyfriend who is twenty years younger than her. She just sticks around for Kelsey.

  I collapsed onto my bed and set my alarm. I can get up earlier in the morning to take a shower. I’m tired and thinking about standing in the shower is super exhausting.

&nb
sp; - 3 -

  Aimee has been bubbly and talkative all week, especially today, so I thought she was okay. I was wrong. As I left my last class and headed into the bathroom stall nearby, I heard a girl crying in another one.

  I’m not usually the person who helps people stop crying but I’m not heartless and leave them there to cry alone so I left my stall, huffing, and looked under the doors for feet. I saw a pair of nude pumps and I knew who it was instantly.

  I knocked on the stall door and asked Aimee if I can come in. She unlocked the door and stared at me with a mascara streaked face. God, I know this phase and I always hated it. The heartbreak is never worth it.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, chewing on my bottom lip. I’m not good with this. I’ve always had my problems but people were always there for me. I’m never usually the listener when it comes to other people.

  She grabbed my sweater and pulled me into the stall, closing the door. “He has a new girlfriend,” Aimee cried, wrapping her arms around me and getting a little too close to the girls. “It’s only been two weeks and he has a new girlfriend.” This is why I hate men. Most of the time they’re just fucking assholes.

  “How long have you two dated?”

  “A year.”

  Aimee looked up at me and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

  “I’m an idiot. I know. He broke up with me, I shouldn’t care but I do,” she cried, sniffling even more.

  “Aimee, you’re not an idiot. He is. He thinks he’s happy right now but you’ll see that in a month…or three he’ll be feeling like shit for leaving you,” I said, grabbing some toilet paper and dabbing her face. “Just let it out, Aimee. Crying sucks but you need to do it.” I would know.

  “We loved each other,” she sobbed, tightening her arms around me. I wish it was less awkward than me standing here not really knowing what I should do but I tried. “We had a future.” Then she completely broke and let it all out. In the bathroom stall. With no shame at all.

  It felt like hours passed but it was probably only thirty minutes. When Aimee washed her face and made herself pretty so no one would see what just happened, we headed out of the bathroom and I collided into Logan. I know because the smell of him hit me first.

  “Do you want to go to your dorm?” he asked, completely ignoring me as he hugged Aimee. I can see that my job is done so I started to walk away. Why be the third wheel of…that.

  “Rebeckah, do you want to come with?” Aimee asked, her voice barely over a whisper. I stopped and turned around. Judging by the way Logan is giving me a look daring me to say no, I should accept. Dammit.

  “Sure,” I sighed. Aimee went doe-eyed and I mentally kicked myself. She doesn’t want to feel like shit and I’m groaning over here. Fuck me. “Yeah, let’s go,” I tried to add with a small supportive smile.

  We walked outside and headed down a few streets with college kids in large groups, laughing and talking to each other. I remember those days. I remember leaving class with Alice and heading to our favorite pizzeria near campus. I remember us thinking we’d watch each other walk across the stage. Get an apartment. Get nursing jobs together. We had a whole life planned out. We were planning on doing lots of double dates. Having kids. Living.

  It all ended when we got into that taxi.

  Stop thinking about it, Becka.

  It’s not good if I do. I’ve been down that road before and nothing good comes out of it. I almost had to go into therapy because I was getting worse.

  When I heard about Kelsey, Dad told me to come back home. I didn’t have another choice. I lost my best friend. I wasn’t going to leave my sister behind.

  We walked into Aimee’s dorm building and signed ourselves in. I wasn’t shocked when I found out Logan’s dorm room is right across the hall from Aimee’s. They seem close. If he was a girl, I totally picture them braiding each other’s hair and swooning over hot guys with Justin Bieber playing in the background.

  We walked into Aimee’s room and I was shocked by how messy it was. Clothes and makeup are scattered all over the bed and floor, there are open bottles of alcohol everywhere, and her TV is flipped upside down on the floor. Jesus, I’m glad her roommate only shares a bathroom with her. No one should have to share this.

  “It’s kind of crazy,” Aimee said, sheepishly.

  “Jesus, Aimee. He is not worth all of this,” Logan said, taking it all in then eyeing his sister. I can tell he wants to say something but he stayed quiet and just shook his head while walking over to the bed.

  Aimee swiped things off her bed and told us to sit before pulling out her phone and ordering pizzas and subs. I’m looking at the twins like I’m watching a tennis match. They’re not looking at me and I don’t know what to do now. Should I go? Stay? Run? Clean?

  “Uh…can I clean up?” I asked. “I kind of have a tiny bit of OCD.” I love having my things organized and just being in this room is suffocating me. I need to do something!

  Logan laughed and handed me a black bag as he did the same. Aimee sat on her bed with a look on her face telling me she’s not really with us right now. Hopefully she’s not thinking of the piece of shit who turned her into this.

  When my bag was full of glass bottles, Logan and I headed into the elevator and walked over to the trash room. “Is she okay?” I asked him. “Like mentally?” We’re all a little crazy, I just want to know if it’s official.

  He chuckled and glanced at me. Those blues searched my face again and I was left wondering why he keeps doing that. Like I’m some puzzle he wants to piece together. That won’t ever happen. I’m too fucked up. Too jagged. My pieces will never fit.

  “Yeah, it’s just her and Victor were like soulmates. They did everything together. I personally didn’t like him but what can I do?” he said shrugging his shoulders and scratching the back of his head after throwing the trash down the trash chute. When he was done thinking about whatever he was thinking about, he turned to me. “You didn’t have to clean up.”

  “Trust me, I did,” I said, staring at the floor. I should go now. This is awkward. We’re just standing here, next to trash, talking about his kind of psycho sister.

  “You’re wet. I can help you with that,” Logan said, his eyes on my chest. I looked down and groaned. I’m covered in Aimee’s tears. Seriously? I was a human tissue.

  “Why does everything that comes out of your mouth sound like a sexual innuendo?” I asked.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said walking past me to open the door. He has every idea.

  “So, I have to go. Tell Aimee she’ll find someone better,” I said turning my back to him as I walked to the elevators. “And just let her stuff her face.”

  “You’re not staying?” he asked, reaching out to grab my arm. He must have noticed the look I gave him over my shoulder because he stopped midway and dropped it to his side.

  “No, I have to be somewhere.”

  “Where?”

  “None of your goddamn business.”

  “Cold hearted, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  I walked down the hallway and got into the elevator. Logan appeared at the doors but didn’t stick a hand out to stop the doors from closing. He just stood a few feet across from me with a look in his eyes. I know he’s trying to figure me out again. He should stop.

  I’m not worth being looked into.

  I dropped my eyes to the floor as I leaned against the elevator wall. I will not look at him. I will not look at him.

  The doors finally closed and I sighed in relief.

  I don’t need to get involved in other people’s lives. I need to focus on my own and my families. And right now, I have some place to be instead of eating pizza with a pair of twins who are way too close. Aimee just needs to cry and let her feelings out, and Logan needs to fuck a random girl and leave me alone.

  When I got to the hospital, Jacky was there with Remy. For a split second, I wanted to let go of the doorknob and turn back a
round, head to the cafeteria and kill time. I’m not in the mood for Jacky’s regular questions. It’s like she doesn’t know that I shouldn’t be thinking about it.

  But I looked at Kelsey who was lying in bed with a pen in her hands, drawing miserably. I’ve been there before.

  I opened the door and tried my best to smile.

  It wasn’t faked when Kelsey looked up and saw me.

  “You’re late,” she said, cocking an eyebrow.

  “Jacky and Remy are here. I was giving them privacy,” I said. “I can’t keep you to myself.” I glanced at my sister and her long time boyfriend and waited for the questions.

  Remy isn’t a bad guy. He’s a six foot two, dark blondish hair, green eyed teddy bear but when Jacky starts with the ‘are you seeing anyone yet?’ shit, he gets involved and tells me I should stop being picky. They both know what happened. They know I don’t date.

  “We haven’t talked in awhile,” Jacky said glancing at me. Her manicured nails pointing at me like it’s my fault. It’s not. She has a phone. She can call me back when she’s not busy.

  “Been busy,” I said, shrugging.

  “How’s school?” Remy asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

  “Eh. Last year. Can’t wait.”

  Who starts college at seventeen? Me. I told you I was smart. Insert wink face.

  When I finally turned eighteen on Christmas, freshman year was kind of better. I bought a pack of cigarettes and finished it in a month (I’m not a chain smoker) and bought my first five dollar scratch ticket which I won twenty on. I was stoked while jumping up and down and squealing like an idiot.

  “Any boyfriends?” Jacky asked, locking eyes on me.

  Fuck me. Here we go.

  “Why is your sweater wet?” Remy asked changing the subject. Jacky shot him a look and I knew it was for changing the subject. My sex life, rather lack of, is the only thing Jacky wants to know about. I fucking respect Remy a lot more now. Thank you, Remy Carter. You grew a pair of balls.

  “A girl in my class used me as a shoulder to cry on,” I said. “Her ex has a new girlfriend.” I watched as the two lovebirds grabbed each other’s hands and squeezed. They’re going to be together forever. Separating is not in their plans.