Don't Let Me Fall Read online

  Don’t Let Me Fall

  by

  Briana Pacheco

  Copyright © 2014 by Briana Pacheco

  All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced or transmitted in any capacity without written permission by the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.

  This is a work of fiction. Any names, places, characters, resemblance to events or persons, living or dead, are coincidental and originate from the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.

  Cover image: ©iStock.com/37116852

  ISBN 13: 978-1502524874

  ISBN 10: 1502524872

  Table of Contents

  Don’t Let Me Fall Playlist

  Dedication

  1. Human

  2. Freight Train

  3. Lights

  4. Breathe Me

  5. Fix You

  6. Hanging On

  7. Touch

  8. Never Gonna Change

  9. Until It’s Gone

  10. Never Too Late

  11. I Go Away

  12. Pompeii

  13. Demons

  14. Skyscraper

  15. Don’t Let Me Fall

  16. Say Something

  17. Let There Be Lonely

  18. Love Somebody

  19. You Set Me Free

  20. I Am Dust

  21. Till I Collapse

  22. My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark

  Epilogue

  About the Author

  Other books by Briana

  Acknowledgements

  Don’t Let Me Fall Playlist

  *It’s recommended listening to a song every chapter*

  Untitled 27 – Polly Scattergood (theme song)

  Human – Christina Perri

  Freight Train – Sara Jackson-Holman

  Lights – Wanderhouse (Ellie Goulding cover)

  Breathe Me – Sia

  Fix You – Coldplay

  Hanging on – Ellie Goulding

  Touch – Daughter

  Never Gonna Change – Broods

  Until It’s Gone – Linkin Park

  Never Too Late – Secondhand Serenade

  I Go Away – MNDR

  Pompeii – Bastille

  Demons – Imagine Dragons

  Skyscraper – Demi Lovato

  Don’t Let Me Fall – B.o.B

  Say Something – A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera

  Let There Be Lonely – Jonathon Jackson

  Love Somebody – Maroon 5

  You Set Me Free – Angie Miller

  I Am Dust – Gary Numan

  Till I Collapse – Eminem

  My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark – Fall Out Boy

  We Found Love – Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris (Epilogue)

  Dedication

  To anyone who ever wanted to give up,

  there is always something worth fighting for. You are loved. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

  - 1 -

  Most people see college as an escape. Some place to learn even more. Become smarter. Meet new people. Party harder. Have sex. You get the fucking point. College wastes your money and if you learn something useful then you get to call yourself smarter than the average person. Congratulations, we’re all beneath you now. You are still an asshole. You’re welcome.

  I see college as a road block.

  It’s keeping me from heading home and being with my family. People I love. I’d give anything to be home with my sister but she made me promise to finish college and since this is my last year, I promised I would. I always try to keep my promises when it comes to Kelsey.

  Kelsey Lennox is my fourteen-year-old sister and as much as I wish it were just the two of us, there’s more. I have a seventeen-year-old brother, Matthew, and a twenty-three-year-old sister, Jacqueline. We all look alike; dark brown hair, dark eyes, and a mouth that never stops running. Mom and Dad hate that we always have something to say. We can’t help it though. Sometimes people say the stupidest shit that you need to comment on it.

  My Mom, Diana, and Dad, James, couldn’t look anymore different so I’m glad we look like Dad. Mom is super pale (not really) with blue eyes and blond hair, and I never could see myself like that. They met in middle school, had Jacky at nineteen then got married. Our family grew after that but it didn’t become perfect. Mom left when I was seventeen and found different men to be with. Dad got stuck with us.

  So here I am; walking in circles, looking for my next class in a busy hallway. I transferred to Northeastern University to be closer to my family and so far it’s been nothing but bumping into strange people as I try to make my way through. It’s the first day of classes and everyone is walking toward theirs and it’s confusing. I’m being pushed and shoved and everyone gives me a look when I accidently step on them. It’s not my fault. It’s the assholes behind me.

  I finished up my last year online when I moved back to Revere. Being in Washington was too hard to finish school so online was the answer. I’m smart, it wasn’t a problem. Not really. I’m still fucked up so I don’t remember much.

  “Are you lost?” a guy asked behind me.

  More than you fucking know.

  I sighed and pushed my hair to the left side, trying to cover up the tattoo on my neck as I turned around. I’m not embarrassed of my tattoos but that doesn’t mean I want people to stop and stare and ask questions. All of my tats have stories behind them and I don’t want people to read me like an open book.

  I looked up and locked eyes on a super cute tall guy with blue eyes and dark hair that make his eyes pop even more. I’m awestruck. No one has eyes that blue. Lashes that dark. Eyebrows that sexy! He’s fucking delicious. God, I must look like an idiot, staring at him with my mouth hanging open. I always look stupid when hot people are around. He looks like he stepped out of a GQ photoshoot, can you blame me?

  What did he ask??

  “You’re kind of blocking my class,” he said pointing behind me, stepping even closer. He’s making me block his class. Not my fault.

  I mentally rolled my eyes and I stopped gawking at the guy. What an asshole. I moved to the side and turned my back on him. There you go, douchebag. I’m not in your way. I’ll find my way sooner or later.

  A hand grazed my arm and made me stop short.

  “Hey, I was joking,” Asshole said, blues crinkling at the sides as he searched my face. What the hell is he looking at? “I can help you if you’re lost.”

  “I’m not lost.” Yes, I am.

  He leaned into me and stared at my crinkled schedule in my hands. I honestly don’t know why I did this but I sniffed him. He’s right there so that’s normal…and he smells yummy. Like sandalwood and laundry…and like a guy. Fuck, it’s delicious and I’m seriously considering licking him right now. What the fuck is wrong with you, Rebeckah?! Stop!

  “Huh,” he said nodding. “I know where you should be.”

  I glanced at him and waited patiently for directions that don’t seem to be coming any time soon. My mouth is itching to say something but I’m trying to be nice. I don’t want to be extra late on my first day.

  Hell, I don’t even want to be here…

  “I’m Logan.”

  “I’m lost,” I said trying to get back to the point.

  “Well, Lost, I think I can show you where you need to go,” Logan said, smiling. His blues crinkled at the sides again and I dropped my eyes to the floor. Those things need a warning. They’re distracting. “Come with me.” He winked and I knew there was a double meaning in that. I ignored it and followed him up a flight of stairs and down a hallway full of doors leading to classrooms.

  We stopped at a door and Logan pointed inside.

  �
�Is this me?” I asked, looking around.

  “You’re a door?” he asked with a smile. Dammit, he has a dimple. A fucking dimple on his right cheek. Not only are the eyes distracting, he has a dimple! God! Stop looking. “What’s your name so I can change the number?”

  I smiled and shook my head because I’m trying to act like a normal person and not scream ‘bitch!’ when someone spots me. It happens a lot. People just hate me.

  “No thanks,” I said.

  “That’s the way you’re going to repay me?” Logan asked crossing his arms over his chest and cocking an eyebrow. All I see are muscles straining against his dark t-shirt and I’m practically salivating. Don’t go there. Close your mouth. Think of something else. Rocks! “That’s fucked up.” It worked.

  “I’m a fucked up person,” I said dryly. I can admit that. “Thanks for helping.”

  So much for trying to act normal.

  I walked through the door and slipped into an empty seat all the way in the back. I’m all caught up on my credits so I’m not behind. That’s a good thing. This five-year plan for nursing really took a toll on me.

  Nursing was all I wanted to do. That was before Kelsey got sick. Before I found out that I can’t be of any use to her. Nursing does nothing for her, for me. I loved it and now it’s…blah. She’s getting weaker and weaker in that hospital bed doing the treatments, trying to get better because it is curable but it can come back. And what can I do for her? Nothing. I’m here in school, doing nothing.

  Being useless.

  When Kelsey was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (ALL) five and a half months ago, my hollow self completely let go of anything I had left in me (it wasn’t much just so you know). I’m twenty-one and have nothing left to keep me going…besides my family. Which can fall apart anytime.

  I have nothing left. My family doesn’t need me. I can’t do anything for them. I don’t want to be here…

  Kelsey being sick was the last straw.

  I completely lost it after that.

  Logan was right. I am lost.

  Only not physically.

  I’m lost emotionally and mentally.

  I have been for some time now.

  And I don’t think I’ll ever be found.

  I just keep falling into the blackness that consumes me.

  - 2 -

  “Hey, do you have a pen I can borrow?” a beautiful blue-eyed girl sitting two seats over from me asked. Her dark waves are pinned to one side of her head, giving her that go-fuck-yourself look but with a I’m-a-really-nice-girl look too. She looks preppy. For her not to bother me again, I dug in my purse and found one. “Thanks,” she said way too cheerfully. “I’m Aimee.”

  Great.

  “Rebeckah,” I said, avoiding eye contact, hoping she gets the message. I turned my attention back to the professor and took notes on what is going to be happening in this class for the rest of the semester.

  I don’t want to be here but I’m going to graduate.

  Kelsey won’t accept it if I don’t.

  I aim to please.

  When class was over, I was the last to leave because I didn’t want to get stuck in the crowd of people pushing and shoving. Once the crowd vanished, I headed to my next class and decided to sit in the front. Not because I wanted to but because the girl I gave the pen to, Aimee, waved me over. She was waving her hands around like a lunatic, attracting attention, so I walked over quickly to get her to stop because she looks like the type that gets what she wants.

  We sat next to each other and Aimee commented on how hot the professor is. She gets points for that. We’re connecting on eye-fucking the professor. He has to be around forty but his body looks amazing. He has stunning green eyes and his hair looks to be around light brown/blondish.

  I barely remember what he said the whole class because my eyes couldn’t stop staring at his arms as he wrote on the whiteboard. Professor Roberts just had to wear a navy blue t-shirt with light blue jeans.

  I was bummed when class was over and it was time to head to one of my writing classes but Roberts was nice eye candy to keep me going. After the writing class, I headed to my last elective then classes were done. Easy. Simple. Done.

  “Rebeckah!”

  Oh, fuck me!

  When you hear your name being shouted in a building that you’ve never been in, you know its time to get scared. Stalkers, killers or worse have been lurking around and are now after you.

  I stopped short and turned around with wide eyes when my name was yelled again. A persistent stalker then.

  I sighed in relief when it was Aimee from class. At least it’s not some fucking weirdo coming at me with a knife. She jogged up to me and handed me my pen. I was astonished at how fast she ran with heels on. All for a pen.

  “You really didn’t have to give it back,” I said eyeing the pen. “I have plenty.” When I shop for school supplies, the whole family comes along and we get more than we need. There is always extra. Dad went overboard and bought the entire Staples store so I was prepared. Uh, yeah, I’m in college and my father still buys me school supplies. What’s the matter?

  “This was just a reason to see you again. I don’t want you to think I’m a stalker.” Stalker? No, why would she think that? “I haven’t seen you around campus before, are you new?”

  “Yeah,” I said, chewing on my lip and trying to find a way to escape. Can I go now? Please. Please!

  “Great. Want to grab lunch together? My brother is standing me up for some girl and I have no one else,” Aimee said, pouting. “I mean…” Her blues widened. “Not like you’re the last resort. You’re new so I thought–” She looks like I just told her I’m an alien. “You don’t have to…I get it.”

  Okay, this girl is whacked. And I feel bad that she has puppy-dog eyes now. Dammit! I hate the puppy-dog eyes! Kelsey always gets me with them.

  “Sure,” I said, plastering on a fake smile. I just want to be left alone. Why is that so hard?

  “Yeah?” she asked with a smile. What’s with people and one dimple? She has one on her right cheek just like that guy from earlier.

  “I’m new and I don’t really know where to go,” I said, trying to get her to stop looking at me like she found a new stray animal to bring home. Should I bark or something? Hang my tongue out and pant? I think she’s expecting it.

  She jumped on her heeled toes and linked her arm through mine. “Excellent,” Preppy said, dragging me out of the building. A few minutes of me being treated like a ragdoll, Aimee smiled weakly at me. “Sorry if I’m overly excited. My boyfriend and I broke up last week and I’m still trying not to cry and feel like complete shit.”

  “Oh…” I said glancing at her. I guess that explains A LOT then. And I kind of feel like shit for judging her now. “Well, he’s an idiot.”

  She smiled and seemed to relax a bit. That’s a good sign, right? I’m not making her feel like she should be bingeing on ice cream and watching a sad romance movie.

  “Yeah, he is,” she whispered, looking down at her feet.

  We headed to the Curry center and grabbed some food then snatched up a table with a window seat. The tuna salad wrap I got was somewhat okay but I’ve had better. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to be here. I should be getting on a train and heading to the hospital to check on Kelsey. Read her something. Eat with her. Head home.

  But I didn’t want to reject Aimee and make her feel bad so I joined her. And it’s pretty nice actually. Normal.

  It’s not at all weird how many guys stare at Aimee as they walk by. I get the occasional look but everyone’s attention is on the blue eyed, hot bombshell sitting across from me, wearing sexy ass heels. I’m probably twenty-five pounds heavier than Aimee but the sweater I’m wearing isn’t showing off any curves because it’s huge on me. I’m okay with that. I don’t want attention. Sometimes staying in the shadows is good.

  My eyes shifted to the window, overlooking the quad with a few students walking around, when Aimee was bus
y winking at a guy that’s clearly hitting on her with his jaw scratching. My eyes turned into discs when I spotted the guy from earlier, Logan, walking toward the building but then I saw the girl on his hip and I rolled my eyes. Huh, he’s an asshole. I called it. More like a flirt but still. I know that kind. And I hate that kind.

  “So…how old are you? You look really young.” Aimee’s dunking a French fry in ketchup, now avoiding the guy trying to get her attention. He glanced at me for a split second before rolling his eyes and walking away. Hey, I didn’t cockblock you. She’s not interested anymore.

  “Twenty-one,” I said, trying to curl myself into my sweater even more. My hair is down, my body parts are covered and only my face is visible. I must look creepy. How Aimee is still talking to me is unknown.

  “Birthday?” she asked. Why does she care?

  “Christmas.” Aimee’s mouth dropped open. I get that sometimes. Why is it really weird to be born on Christmas? Jesus shouldn’t be the only person taking credit for that day.

  “Really? That’s nice. Me and my brother turned twenty-three last month. August tenth.” Her eyes lit up and she looks lost in a memory.

  “You and your brother?” Oh… “You’re twins?” Duh.

  “Yeah. Everyone loves to tease us about it. We’re inseparable.” She blinked and smiled as her eyes glanced over my shoulder. “He’s here now.”

  This I have to see. Aimee is gorgeous. I can only imagine what her twin–

  I turned my head and saw Logan walking over to us. He did a double take when he saw me and I swear he pushed the girl hanging on him, off his arm. Her mouth hung open and I held back the urge to laugh. I guess she’s not use to the rejection. What girl is?

  “Babe, you said you weren’t coming,” he said with a weird smile. I’m so lost because why would he be talking to his sister like that? I glanced at Aimee and she’s equally confused. When my eyes landed on Logan again, he was staring at me with a look in his eyes. What the hell does he want?