Don't Let Me Fall Read online

  “Yeah, why? Want to know if I’ll be legal?”

  I rolled my eyes and Finn laughed.

  “No, go have birthday sex,” I said, sitting back into my seat. The kid clearly needs it. His hand obviously isn’t getting the job done. I glanced at Logan who’s looking at me like I was a mystery. “What?”

  “Nothing,” he said.

  Whatever.

  Matty hit the brakes a bit too hard when some asshole cut him off a few minutes later so we got to listen to him swear and drive faster.

  “So do you want to be a nurse too?” Matty asked Logan. “And your sister?” Why does my brother ask questions? Just stay silent until we drop him off.

  “Aimee, yes. Me, no,” Logan said. “I’m only doing my fifth year because I skipped summer classes. Aimee and I are twins so you can’t really separate us. We have to graduate together.” If I didn’t know he was an asshole, I would have swooned at that. “I’m majoring in psychology.”

  I whipped my head to the left and stared at him. How the hell didn’t I know this?! Not like I care or anything…

  “Oh, that’s where you study people, right?” Matty asked.

  “It’s more than that but yeah,” Logan said, smiling, clearly in love with what he does. Oh, god. He’s going to talk about it.

  “So um…you can just look at someone and tell that something isn’t right?” Matty asked. My eyes found his in the mirror and I know he’s talking about me. I know I’m fucked up, okay! I don’t need Blue to tell me.

  “Not really. Some people are harder to read,” Logan said. “Well, your friend, Finn, is kind of easy. The only thing on his mind right now is having sex with Rebeckah.”

  “Bingo,” Finn said snapping his fingers.

  I rolled my eyes and stared out of the window.

  “Your sister is harder to read,” Logan said. It’s taking all of me not to look at him because I have a feeling that if I do, he’ll see it and he’ll do something about it. “Something is obviously on her mind and she’s trying to hide it.”

  “Yeah, like throwing you out of the car,” I said.

  “No, seriously,” Logan said, shifting in his spot. “Your body language and the way you act around people show signs of someone going through a lot. I don’t want to label it but you are kind of anti-social, you’re a bitch, and you just don’t care about a lot of things. If I was a doctor, I’d say that you are heading onto a dangerous path.”

  Too late. Path has already been crossed.

  “How dangerous?” Matty asked softly.

  Logan was quiet for a bit and I have a feeling his eyes are on me. “She will either become homicidal or suicidal.”

  I turned my head to see Logan. “I did say I wanted to throw you out of a moving car. Maybe the homicidal tendencies are kicking in.”

  “Then it’s a good thing I get off here,” Logan said opening the door as Matty came to a stop. “Thanks for the ride. There was a lot of helpful information.” He glanced at me. “See you on Monday.”

  “Who knows, I might be dead by then according to your psychoanalysis of me,” I deadpanned.

  Logan lingered in the window for a bit until he thought of something to say. “I forgot to include that there’s a fight in you, Rebeckah. It all depends on which side you let win.”

  When he left, Matty didn’t drive. Instead, he turned in his seat and glanced at me. I know he’s worried. Everything Logan just said is true. I’m on a dangerous path and it’ll get ugly. I can’t let it though.

  “I have an hour. Want to grab some food?” I asked, nervously. Matty smiled and I saw some worry leave his body.

  “Yeah. Finn, what do you say?”

  “Fuck yeah,” Finn said sliding his arm behind the seat and squeezing my knee. He then started to tickle me and Matty punched him.

  Finn is now cradling his left arm as we eat burgers.

  ***

  Work was fun. I guess on the weekends is when all the older men come out. I’m talking older than fifty-five. The week days are for the drunks and the college students. All the old men were fun to serve and I thought it was adorable when they started to get flirty with me.

  I’ve never been hit on by a grandpa and today that changed. I even got a few phone numbers but I slid them back over and told them their wives will not appreciate the infidelity. I know I wouldn’t.

  “People love you,” Peyton said wiping a glass dry.

  “It’s only because they don’t have to see you as much,” I said, eyeing him. “You’re in the back getting glasses.” Since the clientele request me, Peyton makes himself busy washing the cups, wiping down the counter and heading to the back to get more of whatever we need. It’s actually more work than being a bartender.

  “You’re an upgrade from my boring face,” he said smiling. “Don’t you agree Paul?” I glanced at Paul, a man in his late sixties who thinks he’s twenty.

  “Darling, you should be seen by the world,” Paul said, staring at me lovingly. “You are stunning.”

  “You just want another drink,” I said. “Not happening. Your wife called and said two gin and tonics are allowed.” I’m not joking. His sweet wife really did call to warn me that if he gets an extra drink, she will come down here on her walker and beat me with a cane. I can’t have that happen.

  “You’re a sweetheart. Peyton, maybe you can help this young lady find a nice man,” Paul said tapping his finger against the counter.

  “I think Rebeckah can find a man on her own,” Peyton chuckled.

  “What about your boyfriend?” Paul asked Peyton. Wait, what? “He treating you like the king you are?”

  Peyton glanced at me and smiled even wider.

  “Yeah, he is.”

  Holy shit! How did I not see this?!

  Peyton closed the distance between us and used his finger to lift up my jaw. “Stop catching flies. You have drinks to make.”

  “You’re gay?” I asked, my mouth still hanging open.

  “Yeah.”

  “How come I had to find out from Paul?”

  “Because I really wanted to see if you’d follow the rule book. I’m too sexy to keep hands off of.” That’s fucking true.

  “Wow,” I said shaking my head. “I had no idea.”

  Now that explains why he never hit on me. I mean, he smiled and winked a few times but he never got grabby or said something stupid about how nice my ass looks in these shorts. He had me completely fooled.

  “Get back to work,” I said swatting his arm with a towel. “I need more cups.” Peyton laughed and headed to the back room.

  I finished up my shift and headed home.

  You’d think that because it’s late and all the lights in the house are off except for the kitchen stove that Matty and Dad are sleeping. Nope. They’re in the kitchen eating a sandwich with Jacky and Remy.

  “Do I get one?” I asked eyeing the bread with two slices left.

  “I’ll make you one,” Dad said getting up and grabbing the mayo.

  “So why is everyone awake?” I asked. “And here?”

  “Just stopping by,” Remy said in-between a mouthful.

  I nodded and sat down beside him at the breakfast counter. “You guys know I won’t freak if you say you’re worried about me,” I said tapping my fingers on the counter.

  I literally heard crickets for a few seconds.

  “How are you?” Matty finally asked.

  “Better. I mean, I’m not having thoughts,” I said. “I seriously think it started again because of Logan.”

  “What happened? Did he try something?” Dad asked, sliding a plate over with my nice fat ham sandwich and leaning against the counter. He really wants to know.

  “Uh, the first day of school he threw himself at me. Literally. He had a girl on his arm then decided to use me as the getaway. Having his tongue down my throat was not helpful,” I said.

  “That asshole,” Jacky said. “He kissed you!” I looked up at her and found her visibly upset. That’s weird bec
ause she’s the one that keeps telling me to get a boyfriend and find some friends to hang out with. You’d think she’d tell me to suck it up and let it happen.

  “I kneed him in the balls yesterday,” I blurted.

  Everyone held their sandwiches hovering inches from their open mouths.

  “You did what?” Remy asked leaning into me.

  “I kneed him in the balls. He snuck into my class and kissed me again so I gave him a piece of my mind.”

  Matty laughed and Dad winced as he thought about the pain I must have caused. Jacky was stuck between smiling and telling me that wasn’t right.

  “Good job,” Remy said squeezing my shoulder. “I’m fucking proud of you.”

  “Do you guys always have to put ‘fuck’ in all your sentences?” Dad asked.

  “Yes, we fucking do,” I said just to make a point.

  “Kelsey is starting to swear. You’re bad role models.”

  “Dad, Kelsey has been swearing since she was six,” Jacky said licking her lips nervously. “You and Mom used to fight a lot.”

  Dad looked down at his sandwich and nodded.

  “That’s so fucking true,” he said.

  Hypocrite.

  We finished our late snack and then headed to bed. Jacky and Remy took the spare room because tomorrow we’re getting up early to see Kelsey so it’s not worth them leaving and coming back.

  “Love you, Birdie,” Dad said hovering outside my room.

  “Love you, Dad.”

  ***

  Kelsey doesn’t fully know her sister is a fucking nut job so when she saw the Band-Aid on my wrist, she demanded to know what the fuck happened (her words, Dad just smiled and shook his head.)

  I pulled a lie out of my ass and said I accidently cut myself on a broken glass at work. She nodded and accepted that.

  Today, Kelsey has been a little less talkative and not so motivated and it’s because of the tests. We know because as soon as a kid walked into the room with a bag of gummy bears, she shot up and said nothing hurt.

  This is Micha.

  He’s taller than I pictured and his eyes are really green. No wonder Kelsey falls into a trance when she talks about him. I would. If I was her age.

  He has short dark hair and he looks like a nice kid. The only problem is that he’s wearing a hospital gown. Because he’s sick too.

  Kelsey didn’t tell me this.

  When the whole family was done meeting Micha and we left the newbie lovebirds alone, I walked over to the front desk and asked what the deal was with Micha.

  Micha Henson. Fifteen. Waiting for a heart transplant.

  That’s not it.

  If he doesn’t get it within three months, there’s no hope. That fucking broke me. Kelsey talks about him like he’s the moon and in three months, if he doesn’t get a new heart, he’ll die.

  I watched the two laugh as they talked on Kelsey’s bed.

  She’s happy. He’s happy.

  Is there anything I can do to stop this before it’s too late? No, I shouldn’t get involved. Break-ups and losing someone is ugly but we need to get over them to move on. That’s what I need to do about the whole Washington thing.

  I can’t get involved.

  Kelsey knows I’m here if she needs me.

  I wonder if she knows about the heart transplant. Why wouldn’t he tell her? So my sister is probably keeping a secret.

  Aren’t we all?

  - 6 -

  It wasn’t my idea to dress the way I am today. I’m in shorts and I’m pretty sure that if I bend over, you’ll see up my ass. I have a tank top that sits on my waist, revealing just a bit of stomach and I have flats. Oh, and my hair is up.

  I want to curl up in bed and not go anywhere.

  Kelsey came home yesterday after being in the hospital for two weeks after we were told she could leave. The doctor’s wanted to make sure she was strong enough to go. She is. She wants to go to school but Dad told her to wait until next week so she could start in October.

  Kelsey has seen the movie A Walk to Remember and her thinking is that if Mandy Moore can go to school and fall in love, then so can she. I will not compare Kelsey to Mandy because I know how that movie ends and I don’t like it.

  “You look nice,” Kelsey said lying on my bed. “Now go to class.”

  “I look like a hooker.” I take that back because Aimee dresses this way and she doesn’t look like a hooker. And she wears the outfit with heels. I look like a crack whore. Yeah, that’s better.

  “You used to always dress like this,” Kelsey said.

  I turned and looked at her. I was wild.

  “Yeah, you were kind of a hoe,” she said, smirking. “But an expensive one.” That doesn’t make it any better. “Now, can you please go to school and tell me about some hot college guy that can’t keep his hands off of you.”

  I rolled my eyes and kissed her goodbye. She’s staking a claim on my bed today because we had a mini makeover session last night and everything is still spread on my bed, waiting for her to pick them up and use.

  “Love you, Becky.”

  “Love you, Kelsey,” I said walking out of my room.

  Matthew was shoving a notebook into his backpack as I walked downstairs. I saw a tiny pink note fall out of his bag and land on the floor and I smiled. His ‘girlfriend’ sends little love notes written on pink paper. They’re not dating but they’re spending a lot of time together lately. Finn has a girl named Gabriella and Matthew has Katrina. The girls are best friends so if they’re together, the guys bring them over and they have a mini double date. It’s mostly just doing homework and playing Xbox but it’s cute.

  I bent down and picked up the note and handed it back to Matty. “Might want to keep these safe. Girls love when guys keep their things,” I said, giving him the you-know-you’re-going-to-do-it look.

  He blushed as he plucked it from my fingers.

  “Dad made pancakes and bacon,” Matty said, stuffing the note in his backpack. “Are you going to eat with us?”

  “I was thinking of grabbing breakfast with Aimee,” I said. Aimee is actually fun to be around and the fact that she wants to be around me is nice. I thought Alice was my other half. She will always be but a person can’t have just one friend…and since she’s gone, I’m technically friendless.

  “Logan going to be there?” Matty asked cocking an eyebrow at me.

  Oh, god. Here we go again.

  Ever since Aimee said she’s trying to hook us up, she hasn’t stopped. I found out that Logan has already had his fair share of college women so he’s not really looking. The women just come to him and what is he going to say, ‘no, I don’t want to have sex with you?’

  Aimee wants us to hook up because apparently it’s fate. I don’t fall to my knees when Logan is around like every other girl and he can’t seem to stop calling me a bitch. I don’t see it but she does. And the fact that he kiss raped me the first day of school keeps the flame going. She is not going to stop until we have sex. And Logan already said she gets what she wants. Too bad. Aimee doesn’t control my vagina and she doesn’t know that I’m a tough bitch that won’t crack easily.

  “Probably. The twins are always together,” I said, not giving a shit.

  “Well…” Matty said eyeing my clothes. “He won’t ever want to leave after seeing you today.”

  I’m stopping this right now.

  “Bye, Matty,” I said grabbing my bag. I made sure my laptop was inside then waved at Dad in the kitchen.

  I felt like I was on a different planet when I got onto the train. All the usual people I see heading to school or work did a double take of me and haven’t stopped staring. I really wish I snuck a sweater into my bag. I can only imagine what people at school will do.

  I practically sprang out of my seat when the train doors opened. I power walked out of the station and went straight to my first class. People would describe me as a blur at this point.

  I skipped breakfast and I really don’t car
e. Having everyone look at me was super creepy and awkward and skipping food was the only option.

  When I pushed my way through people and got to my class, I sat all the way in the back and tried to hide like a turtle in its shell. It didn’t work. People walked in and their eyes fell on me. Staring. I don’t know what they’re thinking but I know some of them are already labeling me as the bad girl. A slut maybe. Trouble. A lesbian?

  “You look good,” Logan said appearing out of nowhere, scaring me shitless. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

  I glanced behind me and watched as he walked out of class. Aimee took his place, walking in. She was all smiles when she sat down beside me.

  “You…are fucking gorgeous,” she said eyeing my arms. She only saw my tattoos when I was wearing a loose t-shirt so she didn’t see my upper arms but since I’m in a tank top, they’re all out in the open. I think she likes what her eyes are looking at. “Please stop wearing the sweaters. You need to be looked at.” I’m not a painting.

  Her eyes found mine and I swear, for a moment, it looked like she was going to kiss me, lick me or just rip my clothes off and finger fuck me.

  “Thanks,” I said, turning my eyes away from her.

  “Ms. Lennox,” Professor Red (that’s not his name but he always looks red so Aimee and I called him Red) said looking around the room. Fuck me. “Ms. Lennox?”

  “Coming,” I said standing up.

  Goddammit. This is the worst thing to happen right now. I walked down the stairs and ignored all the lingering eyes and whispers. You’re not embarrassed or ashamed, Becka. You’re beautiful. I took a deep breath and made my feet move. When I got down to Red’s desk, he looked up at me and words couldn’t leave his mouth.

  “Uh…ah…I…um…”

  “Is this about the homework assignment?” I asked. I think I aced it. I spent all day Saturday typing up the notes and trying to make everything piece together for a short essay.

  Red cleared his throat. “No, I know a few doctors at Children’s Hospital and they’re looking for two people who can volunteer a few hours a week. Your name came up,” he said.

  “Oh.” Not homework then. “That seems like something I’d do but I have a job and the hours–”