Don't Let Me Fall Read online

Yeah, I picked that guy.

  The guy who fucks anyone and likes other people to know it. I bet he hid my panties just for this purpose. To stalk me and give them back. In front of a full dining hall.

  Am I supposed to be embarrassed? Ashamed?

  “Ohmygod…” Aimee said looking at my crumpled panties on the table then me. “You had sex with him. He’s the biggest asshole Logan is friend’s with.”

  I sat up straight, stuck a hand under my sweater and unclasped my bra. He thinks I’m going to be ashamed or something. Ha. He doesn’t know who the fuck I am. Once my bra was off, I grabbed my panties and walked over to his table.

  “Have the whole set,” I said tossing both at him.

  His dark eyes met mine and I swear he was taken aback. I get that most of the time. I’m weird.

  The guys at his table stared at me like I was a god.

  I guess no girl ever stood up and basically said ‘fuck you’ to this asshole. They probably turn really red and power walk out of the building, holding in the urge to cry until they’re in their own privacy.

  I turned on my heel and walked back to my table. I grabbed my milkshake, don’t know why I grabbed a milkshake but I did, and sat back down. Back in Washington, I would have loved the attention I was getting right now. Everyone’s eyes are on me.

  I leaned back in my chair and sucked on my straw as if I were alone. I checked my phone and saw Matthew calling so I answered. He told me to look outside. I did. He and Finn are waving at me through the car window of Dad’s car.

  I laughed softly.

  Oh, god.

  I grabbed my purse and stuck my laptop in it.

  “Thanks for letting me crash the party,” I said, avoiding eye contact with everyone. Their mouths are still on the floor and I’m not in the mood to talk about it.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked my brother, once I got outside.

  “Being a nice brother and picking you up,” Matty said, cocking his head to the backseat. I got into the car and let myself be taken away.

  “So…” Finn said turning in his seat. “Tomorrow’s Friday and you are in college. Any parties?” His eyes dropped to my chest and I’m glad my sweater is kind of heavy. I don’t need my nipples telling me it’s cold outside.

  Why did I leave my bra behind?

  It was worth it though.

  “I don’t know. I’m not a party animal,” I said.

  “Yeah. Understatement of the year,” Finn said, laughing.

  Matthew nudged his arm and I knew it was for him to shut up. This is what happens when you want to be wild in college. People hear and see the shit you do then when it all stops and something bad happens, they don’t bring it up.

  I glanced out of the window because this can get very weird with the two of them staring at each other, and saw a ‘help wanted’ sign on a bar window.

  “Stop here,” I said sitting up straight. This is perfect! I’m not being very useful at home so might as well I start looking for a job. What’s better than working at a bar? The tips can really help us out.

  Matthew pulled over and I got out.

  “Give me five minutes,” I said.

  “Bring back shots!” Finn called out from the car. I laughed as I headed into the busy bar. The windows are small and covered with curtains, not showing much of the inside but the noise makes up for it all.

  As soon as I walked in, I lost my hearing until I walked up to the bar. People were crowded everywhere so I had to squeeze through them and it wasn’t fun. Some of them got grabby and not wearing a bra at the moment meant they had all access.

  “What can I get you?” the bartender, who has to be around my age, said throwing a towel over his shoulder. I went speechless as I found his hazel eyes and they crinkled as he smiled. Beautiful. That’s the only word that comes to mind. “I don’t want to rush you but it’s a full house.”

  I snapped back to reality. “Are you still hiring?”

  He stopped moving his hands as he prepared a drink for another customer when he looked at me again. “You want a job?”

  “Yeah. That’s the point of asking,” I said. Why else would someone else ask if they’re hiring? To use the bathroom? Dumbass.

  He finished the drink and slid it over to a guy three stools down from me then leaned over the bar and talked louder for me to hear. “This isn’t a job for girls who can’t get their hands dirty,” he said, eyeing me up and down.

  I raised an eyebrow at him. Do I look like a fucking girly girl? I’m full of tats and I look like a bitch. Hello. I leaned in even closer and tried not to make what I was going to say sound sexual. “I’d show you that I’m perfect for the job but I’m not wearing a bra.”

  Men and women started talking louder so the bartender can hurry up with me and get their drinks ready but he didn’t pay attention to them. He just stared at me for a bit then nodded.

  “Come back in an hour. And lose the sweater.”

  Dammit. I guess that was going to happen.

  “Sure. I’m Rebeckah, by the way.”

  “Peyton,” he said, with a smile.

  Kill me now. You’d think that all the guys here would have normal names and now I’m being tossed into a job with a guy named Peyton. I always wanted to meet people that don’t have normal boring names.

  “See you later, Peyton.”

  I turned around and I walked my ass out of the bar with a spring in my step and a fucking idiotic smile. I must be on drugs. It wouldn’t be the first time.

  “No shots?” Matthew asked when I got into the car.

  “Better. I got a job,” I said. At least I hope I have the job. Peyton just said come back in an hour. He could just try to see if I practice what I preach.

  “How is that better?” Finn asked, brows furrowing. “Now I can’t see your beautiful face when I stay at your house longer than necessary.”

  Both Matty and I stared at him.

  “Stalker,” Matty breathed.

  Finn laughed and wiped his eyes. “One day, your sister will have sex with me. I’m just making it easier for her to do it.”

  “Um, you know I’m sitting right here,” I said.

  “I know, babe. Don’t worry,” he said winking at me.

  Oh. My…

  I blinked a few times then stared out of the window until we got home. I’m not even going to bring that conversation back up.

  Dad was surprised that I got a job and I think he knows it’s because I know we’re having a hard time right now.

  If only I didn’t have to go to school…

  But Kelsey wants it and Dad won’t allow it. I’m twenty-one and I’m being told what to do by my dad and my fourteen-year-old sister. Wow.

  An hour later, I was showered and dressed in a tank top and shorts and walking into the bar. Happy Hour. It’s the perfect name for a bar.

  As soon as I walked through the door, I smelt the alcohol. Before, it wasn’t that bad because it was packed and cigarette smoke and body odor masked it but now it’s all I smell. It’s familiar. Bringing back old memories.

  “Wow.” I followed the voice to the bar and found hazel eyes staring back at me. Peyton. “You weren’t joking,” he said, staring at every tattoo I have visible.

  I lifted my hands up in mock surrender. I tried to hide my wrist but it’s harder to do without a sweater so I threw on a large bangle. It’s not my favorite but it’ll stop people from asking questions. Questions I don’t want to answer.

  “Why would I lie?” I asked.

  Peyton smiled and told me to walk through the kitchen to get to the bar.

  “You’re wearing a bra,” he said.

  “Sorry to disappoint.”

  I should roll my eyes at Peyton noticing that but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I just smiled and bit my bottom lip as we walked to the bar.

  “Alright, boss wants someone who knows what they’re doing. He left me in charge of hiring so please don’t make me look bad.” I glanced at Peyton and he was all smiles. Beauti
ful.

  “You don’t have to worry about me,” I said. “I know what I’m doing.”

  My first customer just wanted a pitcher of beer so that wasn’t hard. I handed it to him and his eyes took in my whole body. Rule number one of being a bartender, a female one, is that you have to show some skin. Men want something to look at so if they see breasts and skimpy clothes, they’ll order. So everyone started hovering over the bar, flirting, ordering, yelling and staring. It’s part of the job. You have to do it for the tips.

  Happy Hour closes at five in the morning because it serves food as well as alcohol but since I’m a college student, I get off at twelve. Eh, I have five hours of sleep left. I cleaned up the bar and told the guys to wipe the drool off their face as I headed to the back and counted my tips. Half was Peyton’s but he wouldn’t take it. He said I deserved all of it because I did all the work. The customers even said so.

  Two hundred thirty-nine dollars and fifty cents.

  Not bad for a first day which was basically just training.

  I headed out the back and got into Dad’s car. I locked the doors once I got in and drove home. The house was dark and Matty and Dad were sleeping so I crept into my room as silent as a mouse and threw myself into bed.

  ***

  “You working now?” Matty asked as I stepped off the last stair, heading to the kitchen.

  “Kind of. After class I’m heading over to the bar and setting up everything then I’m going to see Kelsey. Are you and Dad going?” I asked.

  He goes over the weekend and since it’s Friday, it’s technically the start of the weekend. Matty stared at his orange juice as he leaned against the kitchen island. He looked up and nodded. “Uh, yeah. We’re seeing her today.”

  I know Matthew hates seeing Kelsey in the hospital but she misses him and he can’t not see her. He loves her. We all do. She’s our kid sister and she needs us.

  “Can you guys wait for me?” I asked. “I won’t take long and I really don’t want to take the train.” And I don’t want Matty to feel alone. Dad tries to cheer up Kelsey so Matty is left staring at the two, wishing he were home.

  “We’ll pick you up,” Dad said behind me. “It’s been awhile since I’ve done that.” Years is more like it. He hasn’t picked me up since I left for college. He picked me up from home and dropped me off at the airport. Everyone was there except for Jacky. She was busy with classes already. She made up for it by picking me up at the airport when I came back five months ago.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said walking out of the kitchen.

  I’ll give him the money I made yesterday when I get back. First, I want to make sure I have a job. It would suck if I didn’t…

  I walked over to the bus stop and started my day.

  Aimee was sitting somewhere in the middle of the crowded lecture hall and she saved me a seat. I guess taking off my bra and not letting some hot asshole step on me gave me a few points with her. She was all smiles and admiring eyes.

  “Wearing a bra today?” she asked poking my boob with her pen.

  “Yeah. I can take it off if you want,” I said back.

  Aimee laughed and started typing something on her laptop then switching to drawing spirals on the notebook open in front of her. She wouldn’t stop poking my boobs with the pen too.

  As I headed to my last class, I felt someone walk behind me. Call me paranoid but I don’t take being followed easily. I turned around abruptly and collided into a hard chest. Strong hands grabbed my arms and pulled me forward.

  “Whoa, next time a heads up would be nice,” Logan said looking down at me.

  “Next time don’t fucking follow me,” I said shaking him off me. I adjusted my sweater and turned back around, annoyed. When I headed into class, I searched for an empty seat and found two in the back. Great.

  I sat my ass down and took out my laptop.

  Jeaned legs rubbed against mine as the person walked by me to take up the last seat. I was busying checking an email about the American Red Cross blood drive coming up that I didn’t notice the person sitting beside me was invading my personal space. And he smells really nice. Like sandalwood and laundry. I love smelling fabric softener.

  “Donating blood?”

  I whipped my head to the left and stared at Logan.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Skipping class,” he said shrugging his shoulders and leaning back into the seat beside me. “You seemed so nice in the hall that I got the vibe you wanted to invite me but got shy.”

  I rolled my eyes and opened up a new word document. If I could just close my laptop, smack him with it and walk away, I would.

  “Why aren’t you like other girls?” Logan asked glancing at me sideways. “You don’t put yourself out there and I noticed that Aimee is the only person you talk to.”

  “Wow, thanks,” I said. I wouldn’t even talk to her but she likes to be all up in my business and pull me into her so we’re joined at the hip.

  “What’s with the sweaters? And the attitude?”

  I’m a bitch.

  “You should wear your hair up. Show off the tattoo.”

  I sighed and turned to him.

  “Do you want to have sex with me? Is that why you won’t leave me alone?” I asked. His eyes dropped to my lips. “Look, you’re nice looking and all but it’s not going to happen.”

  His eyes shot back up and he said, “Why not?”

  “Because I know your name,” I said, dryly.

  Double eyebrows raised. Three points for me.

  Logan was quiet for a few seconds as he looked around the class. When his eyes landed on me, my heart stopped. I know it’s coming. Just call me a slut. A whore. Worthless.

  It should have been me. That’s what they all say.

  “Wear your hair up,” Logan said standing up.

  As he shuffled out of the row of seats, he leaned into me and pecked my lips quickly. “Have fun, fake girlfriend.”

  What. The. Fuck.

  He walked out of class before I could even say anything. When I glanced around to see if anyone saw that, a pair of green eyes found mine. Shit. It’s the girl that Logan brought into Curry and then ditched because he kissed me.

  Asshole used me again.

  Fuck this.

  I shut my laptop and stuck it into my bag. I slipped out of class unnoticed, except by the girl who is still staring at me, and walked down the hall until I got to the stairs.

  I caught Logan’s hand on the railing a floor below me.

  “Logan,” I called out.

  He stopped walking and tilted his head back to see me.

  I jogged down the stairs and stopped in front of him.

  “I don’t care if your latest hookup is in my class. Don’t fucking kiss me. I already told you,” I snapped.

  I threw my leg back and kneed him in the groin. He bent over and used the railing for support as he groaned in pain.

  I hope I made myself clear.

  I walked down the flights of stairs and walked out of the building. I know what we’re doing in class already. I can catch up later. I walked around campus until I hopped on a bus and stopped near Happy Hour. Peyton was talking to a guy at the bar when his eyes flicked over to me.

  He stood up straight and walked away from the customer.

  I got set up on a stool and ordered a few shots.

  “Bad day?” Peyton asked sliding over a shot glass.

  “My moods are unpredictable,” I said throwing my head back. The vodka burned its way down my throat and I didn’t mind.

  “Think you can sign a few papers?” Peyton asked leaning on the bar with his arms. “Tim said you’re officially hired.”

  “Awesome,” I said downing another shot. “I’m ready.”

  I am now an official employee at Happy Hour. And number two of the rule book is that employees can not date or see each other while working here. I literally frowned when I read that but I guess its fine. I do know Peyton’s name. That
goes against my very low standard rule. Number one is that we have to card the customers if they don’t look twenty-one or over and we have the right to refuse service when they start having too much. No one wants to clean up puke or blood off the bar.

  “Here’s your shirts,” Peyton said handing me a few black shirts with Happy Hour written on the right breast. Tim knows what men want to see. “You start tomorrow at noon.”

  “So I can go?” I asked.

  “Yeah.”

  I work every day next week from three to eleven because of classes and I have to get time to see Kelsey, and the weekends are noon to eleven. As it turns out, Peyton works every day from noon to midnight because he has nothing better to do than serve people drinks (his words) and he likes working at the bar. He gets the longest breaks because he’s such an excellent bartender (his words) and since he’s twenty-three and not in college, he has time.

  “What’s with the sweater?” Peyton asked as I turned around. “I mean, your tattoos are amazing and unique. Why hide them?”

  I turned and stared at the bar counter for a bit, trying to form words. I looked up at Peyton and took a deep breath. “I’m not the same person I was back when I got these.”

  A guy walked up to the bar and signaled Peyton to get him his usual. There are a lot of those guys out here. I nodded and turned on my heel. He’s busy.

  “Rebeckah,” Peyton called out. “People change. Don’t let your past define you.”

  I glanced at him over my shoulder and saw the look in his eyes, trying to sell me that. He really believes that.

  I wish I could let that be true.

  I wish I can move on.

  I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and walked out of the bar. I waited for Dad to pick me up and when he showed up with Matty in the car, I tried to push aside all the raw feelings passing through me. They come and go but right now they’re not going.

  They know I’m trying.

  I’m trying to be better.

  “I’m the new bartender,” I said getting in the car.

  “Am I going to have to keep a bat handy?” Dad asked eyeing the bar. “I don’t like knowing you’re going to be working around drunks all day.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I whispered.

  Dad started driving and I noticed he kept looking at me through the rearview mirror. Don’t make him worry, Becka. Don’t do that to him! “Birdie, you okay?” he asked stopping at a red light. I caught his eye and nodded. I even added a smile. “You sure?”